#!/usr/local/bin/perl
#
# ungeek -- a perl script for parsing the code of the geeks.
#
# Copyright (c) 1994 by Robert L. McMillin.
#
# Send comments, corrections, and bugs to <rlm@helen.surfcty.com> or
# <rlm@netcom.com>.
#
# This is version 1 of ungeek for v1.0.1 of the Geek code.
#
#
# Abstract:
#
# This script parses and dumps to standard out Robert A. Hayden's geek code
# that has become remarkably widespread on the Internet.  I don't attempt
# to explain here what it looks like; finger hayden@vax1.mankato.msus.edu
# for a current copy of the code of the geeks.  You should have received
# a copy of the Geek code with this perl script distribution.
#
#
# Invocation:
#
#	ungeek [file1] [file2] ...
#	ungeek <file
#
# ungeek can be used either as a filter, or with filenames as arguments.
#
#
# Strategy:
#
# ungeek attempts to grab lines that look like they might contain geek
# codes. It then parses them one by one after splitting on whitespace.  Each
# code is then parsed in a two step process: first, identify which variable
# this is; and then parse the modifiers, checking first to see whether there
# are any entries containing parens, sending any such off to be parsed
# separately; likewise with '/' separated modifiers.
#
# This strategy means that a number of subroutines here probably don't
# really need to be here; but should the structure of the geek code change
# to include more oddments like !s (whatever that might mean) in the future,
# it will be substantially easier to modify.
#
# In order to keep noise to tolerable levels, I have set two geek codes
# per line as the minimum this script will insist on before it attempts to
# parse the codes contained therein.
#
# Except for "Type" and "Shape" categories, '/' separated modifiers are
# treated as "and" operators.
#
#
# Bugs/To do:
#
# The subroutine valid_code shouldn't be necessary.  It should be possible
# to figure out whether a given code is valid based on a simple (but lengthy)
# regexp test.  I couldn't make it work correctly, though.  This may be a
# bug in the version of perl I'm using, or it may be a bug in the programmer
# (probably the latter is more likely).
#
# There ought to be a way to parse mailer headers and intelligently figure
# out who the geek code belongs to, and write that, too.
#
# Some of strength routines for the geek codes have additional modifiers
# for strengths that are undefined according to v1.0.1 of the Code.  These
# should be extended to all geek categories or removed, depending on your
# tastes.
# 
#
#
# Copyright notice:
#
# The Geek Code is copyright 1993 by Robert A. Hayden.  All rights reserved. 
# You are free to distribute this code in electronic format provided that the
# contents are unchanged and this copyright notice remains attached.
#
# This perl script is copyright 1994 by Robert L. McMillin. It is distributed
# under the GNU Public License.  Please see the GPL for terms and conditions,
# distributed in the file COPYING, which should come with this script.
#

sub computer_strength
{
    $_=$_[0];
    if($_ eq "no modifier")
    {
	print "
	Computers are a tool, nothing more.  I use it when it serves
	my purpose.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	Computers are fun and I enjoy using them.  I play a mean
	game of Wing Commander and can use a word processor without
	resorting to the manual too often.  I know that a 3.5\" disk
	is not a hard disk.  I also know that when it says 'press any
	key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	Computers are a large part of my existence.  When I get up
	in the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in.  I mud
	on weekends, but still manage to stay off of academic
	probation.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	You mean there is life outside of Internet?  You're shittin'
	me!  I live for muds.  I haven't dragged myself to class in
	weeks.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++++")
    {
	print "
	I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface
	installed into my skull.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/o)
    {
	print "
	English?  What's that?  If you want me to understand you, please
	use a language I can understand, like C.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm
	screwed.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	Where's the on switch?\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!\n";
    }
    elsif (/c-+/o)
    {
	print "
	Just call me a technophobe, okay?\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "
	I'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub dress_strength
{
    $_=$_[0];
    if($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	I dress a lot like those in WalMart ads.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I tend to wear trendy political messages like \"Save the
	Whales\" or \"Free South Africa\".\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	printf ("
	I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business
	suit.\n");
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	I dress so conservatively, when I walk into a bank the branch
	manager thinks I'm the new owner.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I tend to wear trendy political messages like \"Nuke the
	Humans\", \"Question Authority\", or \"Big Brother's Watching\".\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I wear jeans to work just to piss off my boss.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	At work, I have holes in my jeans and/or obscenities on
	my shirt.\n";
    }
    elsif (/-+/o)
    {
	print "
	People think I'm homeless; my clothes are torn, and I can't remember.
	the last time I washed them.  Fortunately, all the management here
	smokes, and they can't find what they can't smell.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "d?")
    {
	print "
	I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone
	what I wore yesterday.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "!d")
    {
	print "
	No clothing.  Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-d+")
    {
	print "
	I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the
	occasion, often forgetting to do laundry between wearings.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "
	I'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub dress_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/-d\+/o)		{ &dress_strength("-d+");}
    elsif (/!d/o)		{ &dress_strength("!d");}
    elsif (/d\?/o)		{ &dress_strength("d?");}
    elsif (/d(\++|-+|)/o)	{ &dress_strength($1);}
    else			{ &dress_strength("huh?");}
}

sub education_strength
{
    $_=$_[0];
    if($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	K-12, been on a college campus.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	Started a B.S./B.A, plan to finish it some day.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	Had not learned enough to know better not to go back and try
	for a master's degree.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
 	Still pretty stupid, over qualified to work any job, went and
	got my Ph.D.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	I'm a sucker for punishment -- I'm doing postdoctoral work!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Got my bachelors, escaped alive, and am making hoards of money
	writing unmaintainable (except by me) software.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	The company I work for was dumb enough to fund my way through
	a masters degree, then started paying me even more money.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
 	Achieved a Ph.D, have devoted my life to insignificant research,
	which my employer pays dearly for.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "*")
    {
	print "
 	I learned everything there is to know about life from the
	\"Hitchhiker's Trilogy\".\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\tI'm hopelessly confused by this!\n";
    }
}

sub education_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/e(\++|-+|)/o)	{ &education_strength($1);}
    else		{ &education_strength("huh?");}
}

sub friends_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
 	Yeah, I have friends.  Who told you?\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
 	I have quite a few really close friends.  We get along great.
	They are all other geeks, though.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
 	I have so many friends, I make other people jealous.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	I attract so many friends, some people say I should be in politics.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
 	I have a few friends.  They barely seem to speak to me anymore.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
 	I've got about one friend left in the world, who probably
	wants to shoot me.\n";
    }
    elsif (/-+/)
    {
	print "
	I have a price on my head.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "f?")
    {
	print "
  	I *think* I have friends.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "f*")
    {
	print "
 	Everyone is my friend.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "!f")
    {
	print "
	I have no friends.  Get lost.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub friends_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/!f/o)			{ &friends_strength("!f");}
    elsif (/f\?/o)		{ &friends_strength("f?");}
    elsif (/f(\++|-+|\*|)/o)	{ &friends_strength($1);}
    else			{ &friends_strength("huh?");}
}

sub glasses_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "!g")
    {
	print "
	I have no glasses.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I've got four eyes, what's your point?\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I've got four eyes and tape in the middle.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	I have coke-bottle classes that I can use to start leaves on
	fire in the hot sun.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	I'm legally blind.";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I have contacts.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I have colored contacts.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	I have those funky contact that have interesting designs on
	them such as happy faces or some such.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "
	Help!  I'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub glasses_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/!g/o)			{ &glasses_strength("!g");}
    elsif (/g(\++|-+|\*|)/o)	{ &glasses_strength($1);}
    else			{ &glasses_strength("");}
}

sub housing_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
 	Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk
	about Geek things.  There is a place for them to sit.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
 	Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than
	once a month to do laundry.  All surfaces covered.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
 	Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed,
	located near a Dominoes pizza.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	Total Geek Living: I live in the shell of an old IBM mainframe
	that I've converted for shelter.  I have 120 and 240 VAC wired in;
	I have a T3 link to Cerfnet.  There's a great Chinese place that
	delivers next door.  What more could you want?\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
 	Living with one or more registered Geeks.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a
	Geek and refuse to watch 'Star Trek'.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
 	Married, with the potential for children. (persons living
	with a fiance might as well label themselves h---, you're as
	good as there already.\n";
    }
    elsif (/-+/o)
    {
	print "
	Married with children, dogs, cats, etc.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "*")
    {
	print "
 	I'm not sure where I live anymore.  This lab/workplace seems
	like home to me.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub housing_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/h(-*|\+*|\*|)/)	{ &housing_strength($1); }
    else			{ &housing_strength("huh?"); }
}

sub music_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	I occasionally listen to the radio.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I own a tape/record/CD collection.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I consider myself refined and enjoy classical and new-age
	selections.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	I consider myself over-refined and grok that heavy-duty
	elevator music.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	Enya is cool.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Just play it loud.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I play air-guitar better than anyone else.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	LISTEN!  I SAID TO PLAY IT LOUD!\n";
    }
    elsif (/-+/)
    {
	print "
	Huh?  Whadjewsay?  I gotta turn down the stereo!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "*")
    {
	print "
	I am an expert on so many types of music that I can't even
	keep them straight.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub music_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/m(\++|-+|\*|)/o)	{ &music_strength($1);}
    else			{ &music_strength("huh?");}
}

sub nutrition_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "!n")
    {
	print "
 	Eh what? never mind the menu, give me something to eat!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
 	I like food - especially when it is healthy.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
 	I like the fibers in food.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
 	Food? I just grab something from the shelves with meat in it.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
 	I eat only the cheap things - even with artificial meat and
	vegetables.";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	I _live_ on snacks and coke.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused! ($_)\n";
    }
}

sub nutrition_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/n(\++|-+|\*|)/o)	{ &nutrition_strength($1);}
    elsif (/!n/)		{ &nutrition_strength("!n");}
    else			{ &nutrition_strength("huh?");}
}

sub politics_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	Politics?  I've heard of that somewhere but in all honesty
	I really don't give a shit.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	Let's get the government off of big-business's back!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	All in favor of eliminating free speech, say aye!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	Fuckin' Minorities!  Adolf Hitler is my hero!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Bring back the 60's!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I'm still living in the 60's.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	No taxes through no government.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-p+")
    {
	print "
	Don't label me you moron!  Both sides are equally fucked up!\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub politics_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/-p\+/o)		{ &politics_strength("-p+");}
    elsif (/p(\++|-+|)/o)	{ &politics_strength($1);}
    else			{ &politics_strength("huh?");}
}

sub role_playing_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	Role-Playing?  That's just something to do to kill a 
	Saturday afternoon.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I
	know better than I know myself.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	There is no life outside the role of the die.  I know all of
	piddly rules of (chosen game).  _MY_ own warped rules scare 
	the rest of the players.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
    I worship E. Gary Gygax.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Gosh, what an utter waste of time!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
  	Role-Players worship SATAN!\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub role_playing_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/r(\++|-+|)/o)		{ &role_playing_strength($1);}
    else			{ &role_playing_strength("huh?");}
}

sub height_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I'm a little taller than most.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I'm a basketball candidate.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	I usually have to duck through doors.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I look up to most people.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I look up to damn near everybody.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat
	dinner.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "
	I'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub width_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I'm a little rounder than most.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I'm a linebacker candidate.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	I take up three movie seats.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I tend to have to fight against a strong breeze.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	My bones are poking through my skin.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "
	I'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub shape_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    s/s//;
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	I'm an average geek.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	@s=split(/\//o);
	&height_strength($s[0]);
	&width_strength($s[1]);
    }
}

sub star_trek_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	It's just another TV show.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things
	good on television any more.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	It's the best show around.  I have all the episodes and the
	movies on tape and can quote entire scenes verbatim.  I've 
	built a few of the model kits too.  But you'll never catch me
	at one of those conventions.  Those people are kooks.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	It's not just a TV show, its a religion.  I know all about
	warp field dynamics and the principles behind the 
	transporter.  I have memorized the TECH manual.  I speak 
	Klingon.  I go to cons with Vulcan ears on.  I have no life.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal
	with Star Trek is.  Perhaps I'm missing something but I just
	think it is bad drama.";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	Star Trek is just another Space Opera.  William Shatner isn't
        an actor, he's a poser!  And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? 
     	A Frenchman with a British accent?  Come on.  I'd only watch 
	this show if my remote control broke.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	Star Trek SUCKS!  It is the worst crap I have ever seen! 
	Hey, all you trekkies out there, GET A LIFE!  (William
	Shatner is a t---)\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub star_trek_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/t(\++|-+|)/o)		{ &star_trek_strength($1);}
    else			{ &star_trek_strength("huh?");}
}

sub unix_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	I have a unix account to do my stuff in.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I not only have a unix account, but I slam VMS any chance I
	get.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I have the entire admin staff ticked off at me because I am
	always using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs 
	that I don't have access to.  I'm going to try cracking
	/etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I have a VMS account.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I've seen Unix and didn't like it.  DEC rules!\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "---")
    {
	print "
	Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub unix_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/u(\++|-+|)/o)		{ &unix_strength($1);}
    else			{ &unix_strength("huh?");}
}

sub linux_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	I know what Linux is, but that's about all.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few
	times.  It seems like it is just another OS.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I use Linux almost exclusively on my system.  I monitor
	comp.os.linux and even answer questions some times.  I've
	aliased Linux FTP sites to make getting new software easier.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	I am a Linux wizard.  I munch C code for breakfast and have
	enough room left over for a kernel debugging.  I have so
	many patches installed that I lost track about ten versions
	ago.  Linux newbies consider me a net.god.\n";
    }
    elsif (/\++/)
    {
	print "
	Hi, my name is Linus Torvalds...\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rat's
	ass about it.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	Unix sucks.  Because Linux = Unix.  Linux Sucks.  I worship
	Bill Gates.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "!l")
    {
	print "
	I don't even use an 80x86 chip, so linux isn't really a
	reality for me. (Kluged Intel archetectures suck.)\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "l?")
    {
	print "
	What the hell is Linux?  I've never even heard of it.\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm very confused!\n";
    }
}

sub linux_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/!l/o)			{ &linux_strength("!l");}
    elsif (/l\?/o)		{ &linux_strength("l?");}
    elsif (/l(\++|-+|)/o)	{ &linux_strength($1);}
    else			{ &linux_strength("huh?");}
}

sub wierdness_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "")
    {
	print "
	I am not weird.  I'm perfectly normal.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	So?  What's your problem with weird?\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I am so weird, I make Al Yankovic look sane.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+++")
    {
	print "
	Mainstream?  I heard of that once, I think.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I'm more normal that most people normally are.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	Isn't everyone in the p+ group?\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub wierdness_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/w(\++|-+|)/o)		{ &wierdness_strength($1);}
    else			{ &wierdness_strength("huh?");}
}

sub sex_strength
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ eq "!x")
    {
	print "
	Sex?  What's that?  I've had no sexual experiences.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "+")
    {
	print "
	I've had real, live sex.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "++")
    {
	print "
	I was once referred to as 'easy'.  I have no idea where that
	might have come from though.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "-")
    {
	print "
	I prefer computer sex to real sex.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "--")
    {
	print "
	I was once referred to as a 'cyberslut', but I have no idea
	where that might have come from.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "*")
    {
	print "
	I'm a pervert.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "**")
    {
	print "
	I've been known to make perverts look like angels.\n";
    }
    elsif ($_ eq "x?")
    {
	print "
	It's none of your business what my sex life is like!\n";
    }
    else
    {
	print "\n\tI'm confused!\n";
    }
}

sub sex_parse
{
    $_ = $_[0];
    if (/[xy](\++|-+|\*+|)/o)	{ &sex_strength($1);}
    elsif (/![xy]/)		{ &sex_strength("!x");}
    elsif (/[xy]?/)		{ &sex_strength("x?");}
    else			{ &sex_strength("huh?");}
}

sub valid_code
{
    #
    # Try to ensure that this code is valid.  For whatever reason, long
    # regexps don't work correctly in this version of perl; we chop
    # them up here and do the best whas we can.
    #
    local($c) = 0;
    local($saved) = $_;
    $_ = $_[0];
    if ($_ ne "")
    {
	#
	# Eat left hand forms; not bulletproof, but close enough for
	# government work.
	#
	s/^![a-z]//;
	s/^[a-z]\?//;
	s/^-[a-z]\+//;
	s/^[a-z][+\-*]*//;
	if ($_ eq "")
	{
	    #
	    # no leftovers; mark this as good
	    #
	    $c = 1;
	}
	else
	{
	    #
	    # still have leftovers, so try to eat right hand forms
	    #
	    s/^(\/[-*+]+)+//;
	    s/^\([-*+]+\)//;
	    s/^@//;
	    #
	    # anything left over means invalid form
	    #
	    if ($_ eq "")
	    {
		$c = 1;
	    }
	}
    }

    $_ = $saved;
    return $c;
}

sub parse_code
{
    $_=$_[0];
    if (&valid_code($_))
    {
#	print "after regexp, \$_ = '$_'\n";
	$original_code=$_;
	if (/c/o)
	{
	    print "Computers: $_\n";
	    if (/c(\++|-+)\((\++|-+)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&computer_strength($1);
		print "\n\t... to ...\n";
		&computer_strength($2);
	    }
	    elsif (/c(\++|-+|)/)
	    {
		&computer_strength($1);
	    }
	}
	elsif (/d/o)
	{
	    print "Dress: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&dress_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&dress_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		&dress_parse($_);
	    }		
	}
	elsif (/e/o)
	{
	    print "Education: $_\n";
	    if (/e(.*)\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&education_strength($1);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&education_strength($2);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@e = split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@e);
		&education_parse($first);
		foreach (@e)
		{
		    &education_strength($_);
		}
	    }		
	}	    
	elsif (/f/o)
	{
	    print "Friends: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&friends_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&friends_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		#
		# Parse the first code, split the rest by slashes,
		# and dump strengths.  We should do all of them this way.
		#
		@f=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@f);
		&friends_parse($first);
		foreach (@f)
		{
		    &friends_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/g/o)
	{
	    print "Glasses: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&glasses_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&glasses_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@g=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@g);
		&glasses_parse($first);
		foreach (@g)
		{
		    &glasses_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/h/o)
	{
	    print "Housing: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&housing_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&housing_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@h=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@h);
		&housing_parse($first);
		foreach (@h)
		{
		    &housing_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/l/o)
	{
	    print "Linux: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&linux_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&linux_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@l=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@l);
		&linux_parse($first);
		foreach (@l)
		{
		    &linux_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/m/o)
	{
	    print "Music: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&music_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&music_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@m=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@m);
		&music_parse($first);
		foreach (@m)
		{
		    &music_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/n/o)
	{
	    print "Nutrition: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&nutrition_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&nutrition_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@n=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@n);
		&nutrition_parse($first);
		foreach (@n)
		{
		    &nutrition_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/p/o)
	{
	    print "Politics: $_\n";

	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&politics_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&politics_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@p=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@p);
		&politics_parse($first);
		foreach (@p)
		{
		    &politics_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/r/o)
	{
	    print "Role Playing: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&role_playing_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&role_playing_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@r=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@r);
		&role_playing_parse($first);
		foreach (@r)
		{
		    &role_playing_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/s/o)
	{
	    #
	    # The shape attribute is different from the rest in that the
	    # parsing of the slash(/)-separated objects happens further
	    # down the line, since the left side of the slash means something
	    # different than the right side.
	    #
	    print "Shape: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&shape_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&shape_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		&shape_parse($_);
	    }
	}
	elsif (/t/o)
	{
	    print "Star Trek: $_\n";

	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&star_trek_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&star_trek_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@r=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@r);
		&star_trek_parse($first);
		foreach (@r)
		{
		    &star_trek_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/u/o)
	{
	    print "Unix: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&unix_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&unix_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@r=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@r);
		&unix_parse($first);
		foreach (@r)
		{
		    &unix_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/w/o)
	{
	    print "Wierdness: $_\n";
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&wierdness_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&wierdness_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@r=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@r);
		&wierdness_parse($first);
		foreach (@r)
		{
		    &wierdness_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	elsif (/[xy]/o)
	{
	    print "Sex ";
	    if (/x/o)
	    {
		print "(female): $_\n";
	    }
	    else
	    {
		print "(male): $_\n";
	    }
	    if (/\((.*)\)/o)
	    {
		print "\tI range from...\n";
		&sex_parse($_);
		print ("\n\t... to ...\n");
		&sex_strength($1);
	    }
	    else
	    {
		@r=split(/\//o);
		$first=shift(@r);
		&sex_parse($first);
		foreach (@r)
		{
		    &sex_strength($_);
		}
	    }
	}
	else		{ print "Unknown geek code! ($_)\n";}

	if ($original_code =~ /@/o)
	{
	    print "\n\tThis varies depending on other factors.\n";
	}
	print "\n";
    }
}

sub parse_one_file
{
    @lines=<STDIN>;

    foreach (@lines)
    {
	tr/A-Z/a-z/;
	#
	# By increasing the repetition factor at the end of this term, we
	# can make the scanner a *lot* less sensitive to garbage.  On the
	# other hand, it also becomes less sensitive to real stuff.
	#
	if (/((![a-z])|([a-z]\?)|(-[a-z]\+)|([a-z][+\-*]+)((\([+\-*]+\))|(\/\++|-+|\*+)+)?@?\s){2,}/o)
	{
	    #
	    # The line meets our rough requirements.  Isn't that a nasty
	    # regexp?
	    #
	    #
	    # Divide and conquer.  Split the line by whitespace and parse
	    # each element separately.
	    #
	    @codes=split;
	    foreach (@codes)
	    {
		if (/\b(g((cs)|(at)|b|e|m|(mu)|s|(ss)|t|o|u))\b/o)
		{
		    $type=$1;
		    print "I am a geek of ";
		    s/^g//;
		    @types=split(/\//);
		    $first=1;
		    foreach (@types)
		    {
			if (!$first)
			{
			    print " and of ";
			}
			if ($_ eq "at")	{ print "all trades" ;}
			elsif ($_ eq "b")	{ print "business"; }
			elsif ($_ eq "cs")	{ print "computer science"; }
			elsif ($_ eq "m")	{ print "math";}
			elsif ($_ eq "mu")	{ print "music";}
			elsif ($_ eq "s")	{ print "science";}
			elsif ($_ eq "ss")	{ print "social science";}
			elsif ($_ eq "t")	{ print "theater";}
			elsif ($_ eq "o")	{ print "other";}
			elsif ($_ eq "u")	{ print "undecided";}
			else		{ print "unknown";}
			$first = 0;
		    }
		    print ".\n\n";
		}
		else
		{
		    #
		    # Process each non-category code.
		    #
		    &parse_code($_);
		}
	    }
	}
    }
}

if ($#ARGV == -1)
{
    &parse_one_file();
}
else
{
    foreach (@ARGV)
    {
	open(STDIN,$_) || die ("unable to open '$f'\n");
	&parse_one_file();
	close(STDIN);
    }
}