From: eburke@csugrad.cs.vt.edu (Eli-Eli-O Burke)
Newsgroups: alt.shenanigans
Subject: Re: Chain letters..
Date: 27 Jan 1994 00:54:52 -0500
Organization: A small room in the midst of Blacksburg, Va
NNTP-Posting-Host: csugrad.cs.vt.edu

clynne@cco.caltech.edu (Constance L. Villani) typed:
>The only good shen I can think of with Chain Letters is to 
>start circulating one that says "DON'T, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,
>PASS THIS ON"  and then goes on to describe all sorts of 
>wonderful things that happened to people who hung on to
>the letter and all the tragedy that befell people who
>pass the letter on, followed by the way the misery suddenly
>stopped when they went to great lengths to retrieve the letter.

Hehe.. how very odd of you to suggest such a thing. Last time we got
hit by the "love" chain letter, I did just the thing, and mailed it
out to anyone who sent me a copy, as well as to anyone further back
on the list who had sent it on. Copy follows -- you may recognize it
because I didn't start with a blank slate (that would be creative! ;)

[---------------------- fold here --------------------------------------]

Hey all, this is a somewhat illegal anti-chain letter. I am sending this
because normal chain letters drive me crazy. At any rate, it is very bad
(detrimental) to your life and/or sex organs if you forward any copies
of this letter to anyone, within 96 hours of receiving it, or ever.

> 
> Original:
> 
>This paper has been sent to you for bad luck. The original has been
>destroyed by millions of furious recipients, enraged from having
>received thousands of copies each. It has never travelled around
>the world, because if it did, the world would immediatly 
>self-destruct/be destroyed by berzerked meta-beings. [Dear Reader:
>please help keep this count current. If this letter falls into your
>hands, decrease the count just before you destroy the infernal thing.]
>The bad luck has now been sent to you. You will never experience great
>sex, ever, because you will die within 96 hours of receiving this letter,
>provided you send it on. Since the copy must not tour the world, you
>must not make any copies and send them to anyone else.
>
>This is no joke. Send no money, and especially don't send this letter on.
>
>Don't send copies to anyone you like, or anyone who ever wants to have 
>a chance with the opposite sex. Don't even send it to enemies, because
>the bad luck falls on you!
>
>After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control
>Officer got his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine
>was heard to scream, "I'm sorry!" as he was sucked into
>its innards and pasturized.
>
>John Elliot tried to pick up a prositute, and, because he
>sent the letter on, was ethered, robbed of all his money,
>tied up, and had his dong superglued to his chest. Eventually
>his bladder exploded, killing him.
>
>In a suburb of Rome, Alfonse Gepetti's trousers were nearly
>ripped by an unsatisfied erection, 51 days after failing to
>circulate the letter. A nearby liberated Miss USA noticed 
>this, and they were married 2 days later.
>
>Do note the following:
>======================
>
>Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953.
>He asked his secretary to make twenty copies and send
>them out. Later that afternoon a freak earthquake destroyed
>the office building. Geologists were puzzled; the epicenter
>was nowhere near any known faults.
>
>General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he
>thought was a quarter in the street. When he bent down to 
>grab it, a beautiful woman in a miniskirt walked by, and he
>got a great view. The woman noticed this, cried, "RAPE!",
>and he was arrested and received a 10 year minimum sentence.
>His aide, Colonel Roger Bumswiver, who did not pass on the
>letter, had simultainiously tried to pick up a similar object,
>but was not noticed by the woman. Later, he slept with the
>General's wife.
>
>Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the
>letter and lost it. His wife then went bowling with his best
>friend and was killed in a freak pin-setting accident. He
>inherited $7 million. Later, after finding the letter again,
>he mailed out twenty copies. 2 days later in Miami he was
>killed in a carjacking.
>
>Alan Fairchild received the letter and, believing the warning,
>threw the letter away. Nine days later an airline stewardess
>spilled a cola in his lap. While in the lavatory, he was
>joined by the stewardess who more than made up for her
>previous clumsiness.
>
>In 1987 a copy of the letter was received by a young woman
>in Texas. It was faded and barely readable, so she did not
>realize that this paragraph applied to her. While attempting
>to retype it, her typewriter exploded, embedding the x key
>in her cheek. After being released from the hospital, she
>tried to draft it longhand. While writing, the pencil slipped
>and jabbed through the palm of her hand. Giving up, she
>tossed the faded scrap into the trash. While being treated
>for lead poisoning she met a male nurse who, it turned out,
>had a 10-inch penis.
>
>You must not distribute any copies within 96 hours of receiving
>this letter, or ever. In fact, you must destroy it to fully
>exorcise its evil influences. Those who do not will have
>extremely bad luck forever and ever (until death, unless they
>still haven't destroyed the letter, in which case it will
>continue even then).
>
>Those who do destroy this hellish voodoo curse will be rewarded
>with one-night stands with beautiful partners for the rest of their
>lives.
>
>         Enjoy...

Muahahaha!
-- 
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          eburke@Csugrad.Cs.vt.edu |\ /| ub9.jv.z).b61euz)@9k1ud9
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