----- Forwarded message from David Langford <ansible@cix.co.uk> -----


### WITH NECESSARY APOLOGIES ###

_CONTEXT: in net discussion of the expected (by some) Vingean Singularity
and the optimists who keep calculating earlier dates for this, most
recently around 2015, KEN MACLEOD said: `I can see it coming: the
Millennium Bug hits the Singularity.' SIMON BRADSHAW takes it from
there...._

CYBERPUNK: Hello, I wish to register a complaint ... Hello?

SHOPKEEPER: Sorry, we're closing for a quick game of Quake II.

C: Never mind that, I wish to complain about a singularity what I
purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

S: Oh yes, the Vernor Vinge. What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's not Y2K compliant, that's
what's wrong with it.

S: No, no, it needs upgrading.

C: Look, I know a non-Y2K-compliant singularity when I see one and I'm
looking at one right now.

S: No, no sir, it's not non-compliant. It just needs the Plus Pack.

C: Plus Pack!?!

S: Yeah, remarkable singularity the Vernor Vinge, beautiful emergent
phenomena.

C: The emergent phenomena don't enter into it -- it's not Y2K compliant.

S: No, no -- it's just in need of an upgrade.

C: All right then, if it needs an upgrade I'll give it one. [Shouts at
singularity] Hello! I've got a nice FTL datalink for you when you
Transcend, Mr Singularity!

S: [jogging singularity] There, it Transcended.

C: No it didn't. That was you Uplifting it.

S: I did not.

C: Yes, you did. [takes singularity and shouts at it] Hello Singularity
[bangs it against the counter] wake up! [throws it in the air and it
lands on the floor] Now that's what I call a non-Y2K-compliant
singularity.

S: No, no, it's stuck in a strange attractor.

C: Look, I've had just about enough of this. That singularity is
definitely not Y2K compliant. And when I bought it not half an hour ago,
you assured me that its lack of technological phase change was due to it
being tired and shagged out after downloading the complete book reviews
of John Clute.

S: It's probably pining for the High Beyond.

C: Pining for the High Beyond, what kind of talk is that? Look, why
did it interface to AOL when I got it home?

S: The Vernor Vinge prefers communicating via AOL. Beautiful singularity,
lovely emergent phenomena.

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining this singularity, and I
discovered that the only reason that it had appeared even remotely near
the cutting edge of science fiction was because someone had nailed a copy
of _Interzone_ to it.

S: Well of course a copy of _Interzone_ was nailed there. Otherwise it
would muscle up to your neural pathways and _voom!_

C: Look matey [picks it up] this singularity wouldn't go _voom_ if I
put the complete works of Greg Egan through it. It's bleeding demised.

S: It's not. It's pining.

C: It's not pining, it's passed on. This singularity is no more. It has
ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late
singularity. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you
hadn't nailed it to an SF mag, it would be joining the Hugos on Dave
Langford's mantelpiece. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir
invisible. This is an ex-singularity.

S: Well I'd better replace it then. [Rummages below the counter.] Sorry
guv, we're right out of technological singularities.

C: I see. I see. I get the picture.

S: I've got a copy of Windows 98.

C: Is it Y2K compliant?

S: Not really, no....

[SB]